Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble
obedient tourist servants, who are doomed to
travel this earth, taking photographs, mailing
postcards, buying souvenirs and walking around
in drip-dry underwear.
Give us this day diving guidance in the selection
of our hotels, that we may find our reservations
honored, our rooms made up and hot water
running from the faucets.
We pray that the telephones work, and the
operators speak our tounge.
Lead us, dear Lord, to good, inexpensive restaurants
where the food is superb, the waiters
friendly and the wine included in the price.
Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in
currencies we do not understand. Forgive us
for undertipping out of ignorance and
overtipping out of fear. Make the natives love us
for what we are, and not for what we can
contribute to their worldly goods.
Grant us the strength to visit the museums,
the cathedrals, the palaces and castles listed
as 'musts' in the travel book.
And if perchance we skip a historic monument
to take a nap after lunch, have mercy on us,
for our flesh is weak.
FOR HUSBANDS ONLY
Dear God, keep our wives from shopping
sprees and protect them from bargains they
don't need or can't afford. Lead them not into
temptation for they know not what they do.
FOR WIVES ONLY
Almighty Father, keep our husbands from
looking at foreign women and comparing them
to us. Save them from making fools of
themselves in cafes and nightclubs. Above all
do not forgive them their trespasses for they
know exactly what they do.
